Body, meet pregnancy test. Pregnancy test, meet body. Now, why can't you agree? ::sigh::

So I've been away from the blog for awhile, in no small part from the discouragement of having been sure I was preggo and finding out I wasn't.

The weird thing about last month is that my body went haywire (appetite, emotions, energy level, and my period was late)--so much so that I skipped a trip to Chicago that involved seeing the most adorable niece and nephew in the world because I thought I was either throwing-up pregnant or something was seriously wrong with me. However convinced I was, no pregnancy test would ever confirm it and I eventually got my period.

Fast forward to this month. Honestly, I'm not sure whether I'm late (it's been 28 days since my last period but I just went off of Ortho Tri Cyclen two months ago so my body could be adjusting). In any case, I have been feeling very much like myself (e.g., no symptoms) but I took a pregnancy test yesterday and today, mainly because I want to know whether it's OK to drink since I am taking my sommelier exam next week.

And guess what I got? Faint lines on both days!! The pic you see is of this morning's actual test--the faint line even showed up on film, so I know I'm not crazy!

Now, I don't want to get my hopes up, but I don't think the tests detect the hormone if it's not there. I am thinking maybe I should get a different brand of test just in case this one is defective. But if it's not, does this mean I am really pregnant? My complete lack of symptoms is making it difficult to believe...

Any insight or advice around how to get through the monthly emotional roller coaster is welcome!

My first false alarm + pregnancy books = scare the bejesus out of me

I got my period this morning, proving my "I'm pregnant" hunch false. Am I disappointed? Yes. But this false alarm served a higher purpose: getting me up to speed on tons of things I needed to know.

It all started last week when a set of tangible pregnancy-like symptoms emerged. My period was late, I was tired and nauseous, and none of my regular foods seemed appealing. I had pelvic cramping that didn't feel like cramps, sometimes I felt euphoric, and my emotional state completely changed. Figuring I'd better be safe than sorry, I ran out and bought "What to Expect Before You're Expecting" and "Eating Well When You're Expecting" and dropped everything to get reading.

When I went off of birth control, my plan had been clear: live life like normal and hopefully get pregnant. Our OB/GYN told us to assume we could get pregnant naturally and to try for six months before even considering fertility diagnostics. She put me on prenatal vitamins and made sure my vaccinations were up to date. It never occurred to me that there was more to consider.

For example, I didn't know how important the first 10 weeks are to baby's development. I didn't know that drinking during this time could be damaging. Drawing on common sense, I figured that many women drank before they knew they were pregnant, so I thought this would be fine. And, maybe it is. But the point is, I didn't know this was even a "maybe". Just like I didn't know to avoid green tea, or the importance of being at the right pre-pregnancy weight, and how certain of the fathers' habits (such as marijuana smoking) are related to birth defects...

So, I am disappointed that we're not pregnant. But I'm also relieved. There's a lot more I need to find out. Giving up things as if I were pregnant also gave me an appreciation for what I will miss. This morning I spent a good long time in the jacuzzi and right now I am enjoying a glass of wine. I'll do all this and more until my first day of ovulation. Carpe diem!

And so it begins...

I stopped taking birth control four weeks ago. For months, we disagreed about timing. I'm sure you can imagine what DH and I argued about and who was on what side: I was eager to get started and he wanted to wait.

"I'm not getting any younger!" He heard that a few times. I want to be done with having kids before I'm 35. I turn 31 this year, and we want to have two. Conclusion: now would be the time to get cracking.

"But I'm home from work!" That's argument number two. I got jaded by the corporate world and opted out. For nine months I've been home launching a career as a writer. Nine months I could have been writing and being pregnant.

"We crossed everything off of our B.C. list!" That's our Before Children list, to you. We actually had one, and we did most thinks on it. Finish grad school? Check. Get married? Check. vacation in exotic places? Climb Mount Kilimanjaro? Check and check. We even got a fair bit of spontaneous fun in from time to time. How's that for sowing our oats?

"Honey, we can afford a baby." That's my argument number four. It responds to his one and only argument. He wishes there were more money in the bank. By no means are we poor (this year we took a $25,000 vacation), but I walked away from a six figure salary and he's upset that we don't own a house. We live in one of the most expensive housing markets in the U.S., and lots of folks here don't own a house. I figure if we put the kibosh on $25,000 vacations, we'll be fine :)

So, how did it happen? How did we decide to start trying? Or, rather, how did I get DH to agree? I wish I had something exciting or dramatic to report, but the truth is, we learned a couples' negotiation technique that helped us settle it. My preference before going into the negotiation was to actively try. He wanted to start in no sooner than six months. We walked out of the negotiation somewhere in the middle: we'd let the universe decide.

Letting the universe decide meant going off of birth control. Not trying to conceive, but also not trying not to conceive. So, here we are, four and a half weeks since the first day of my last period. Technically, I'm late :)